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06 Sep 2010 [22:38 UTC]

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Barbershop Jokes

Created by: Administrator, Last modification on 25 Jul 2010 [20:19 UTC]   by carol

Tenor Jokes

Q: What's the musical definition of a half-step?
A: Two tenors singing in unison.

-- TahongaWaka

Q: What's the difference between a lawn mower and a tenor?
A: You can tune the lawn mower.

Q: How can you tell when a tenor is out of tune?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?
A: When the other tenors notice.

Q: How do you put a twinkle in a tenor's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.


Lead Jokes

THE BARBERSHOP LEAD CREED
  1. We will not flaunt in front of others the fact that we have the best voice in the group (unless the music calls for it, which, come to think of it, it usually does).
  2. We will do our best to stay in tune, but won't worry too much about that since the other guys have to follow us anyway.
  3. As consummate gentleman, we will continue to let the Basses feel like they're the most important part of the group, even though without the melody they would have nothing to harmonize.
  4. As we focus on shaping and caressing the song, if we forget a word (or all of them), we won't worry too much since the other guys have to follow us anyway.
  5. We will never allow a baritone to sing louder than us, even when we're on the seventh. The melody must be heard!!!
  6. We will be sensitive to the Tenor's need to feel special. We won't overdo it, though.
  7. In a chorus, although we will do our best to follow the Director, we realize that we have to take advantage of all of the opportunities in a song to show off our wonderful Lead voice. After all, that's what the audience has come to hear, right?
  8. We will do our best to cover the fact that the Baritone has a weak, emaciated instrument, otherwise he'd be singing Lead.
  9. When in doubt, pitch it up!
  10. When a Coach/Director advises us that we were under pitch, or too loud, we will always nod appreciatively, all the while knowing that we were just doing what the Composer/Arranger originally intended (even if the Coach/Director IS the Composer/Arranger).

A lead walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
-- AnonymousGnome

A young boy tells his mother, "Mom, when I grow up, I want to sing lead in a barbershop quartet." His mother tells him, "Well, honey, you know you can't do both."

-- Dave Baker

Q: What's the difference between a lead and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a lead.

Q: What's the range of a lead?
A: About ten yards, if you've got a good arm.

Q: How do you know if a lead section is at your front door?
A: No one knows when to come in, and they can't find the key.

Q: How do you get a lead to stop singing?
A: Give him a sheet of music.


Baritone Jokes

Q: What do you call 5 baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.__
Q: How many Baritone jokes are there?
A: Just one. The rest are true.

-- TahongaWaka

Q: Where does the word "Baritone" come from?
A: That is short for "Barren of Tone"

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the baritone section rehearsal.

Q: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a baritone?
A: One of them's loud, offensive, abrasive, and loved by a few mis-guided weirdos. The other's a radio commentator.

Q: How do you get a lead to sound like a baritone resume help?
Have him sing louder, flatter, and miss every third note.

Q: What do baritones use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What do you call a lead who can sight read?
A: A baritone.


Bass Jokes

There are no Bass jokes. If you joke about a Bass, they'll make their half-steps too large and their 5ths too small and make the other parts sound out of tune.

Q: How do you get two basses to sing in perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.

-- TahongaWaka

Q: What do you call a bass with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What did the bass get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

Q: Why are Barbershop show write my essay intermissions limited to twenty minutes?
A: So they don't have to retrain the bass section.

So, two basses walk past a bar....
Hey! It could happen!

Q: If you drop a bass and a watermelon off a tall building at the same time, which one hits the ground first?
A: Who cares?


Other Barbershop Jokes

Q: What has eight legs and sings?
A: A barbershop quartet!

Q: Why do Barbershoppers rock left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because it's more difficult to hit a moving target.

Q: "Hey buddy - How late does the chorus sing?"
A: "Oh, about a half a beat behind the director."

How does a lead change a light bulb? He just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
How many basses does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just light candles and open a bottle of wine.
How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to do it, and five to whine, "It's too high."
How many baritones does it take to change a light bulb? A whole section. One to climb the ladder while the rest calculate the Pythagorean implications and argue about the pitch of the roof.
How many directors does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know, I wasn't watching.
How many barbershoppers does it take to change a light bulb? 5 - 1 to change the bulb and 4 to sing about how much they miss "that old lightbulb of mine" (It actually takes 9. You forgot the 4 to plan the afterglow)
- HarmoLead and George Gorsuch^